Parenting Techniques

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Family Night

March 1, 2010 in Family Goals, Family Night, Parenting Techniques | No comments

I recently came across this article on about.com.  The author, Wayne Parker, explains the benefits of holding weekly family night.  He also gives useful pointers to help us get started, so without further adieu…

How Does Family Night Work?

The general concept of a weekly family night is to spend an evening once a week where the family is together having a meaningful experience together. In other words, watching the latest installment of a favorite sitcom doesn’t count! The basic principles include:

The time is set. Having a standard time each week allows better family planning. It is best if you can pick a given night each week (every Monday or every Thursday) and keep it there. At the outset, this might not be possible but should be a goal.

Everyone commits. When a family decides to focus on family night, each member commits to making it work. That means we have to say “no” to conflicts. Teenage kids need to have the night off from work and school activities. Moms and dads say no to work projects, phone conversations, and athletic events. Athletic teams understand that practices would have to not conflict and if it means that someone doesn’t make the team, then the choice is made for family. This is one of the hardest parts of a family night program, but it is essential.

 Time is spent together. Ever been in a situation described by Stephen Covey as a “collective monologue?” This is where everyone speaks or does their activity but in the same room with others. Collective monologues are not acceptable for family night. Television, listening to music or everyone reading something different doesn’t count. Family activities on family night involve everyone together. Activities such as walking or hiking, playing board games, working together in the yard, being involved in community service projects, visiting relatives together and the like are the model.

No heavy stuff. Family nights are not the time for discipline, for arguing, for forcing compliance. If you make it onerous, you will have a mutiny on your hands. Make them light, fun and engaging. And a little variety helps a lot.

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Probation

January 26, 2010 in My Family, Parenting Techniques | No comments

I’m on probation. 

During a typical hectic morning, I was battling to get both of my boys ready for school.  I went into my bathroom to get my 4-year-old out of the shower, and once I turned the water off, I sprayed shower cleaner on the glass surround.  He had  Apparentlyhad his heart set on using the squeegee to clear away the excess water which apparently he could not do once the cleanser was sprayed on the glass. 

 He had a royal meltdown. 

 After several minutes of him crying hysterically and me trying to console him, he announced that he wanted to find a new family to live with.

I was heartbroken.

He assured me that he would come back and visit because he would miss his brother and his toy castle.

I begged and pleaded to make him want to stay, I even promised him that I would let him squeegee the shower whenever he wanted.  I kept trying to think back to any episode I may have seen of Little Bill for ideas on how to deal with the situation. 

Nothing.

I now remember one episode where Little Bill wanted to run away, so the family decided to run away with him.  Where was that when I needed it?

The more I tried to convince him that he was my little boy and that I could never let another mommy take him, he was insistent that a new family was indeed what he wanted. 

In the back of my mind I really wanted to drop him off with another mommy that would make him eat brussel sprouts for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and put him on toilet scrubbing duty only after he had finished mopping all the floors and cleaning out the pig pen. 

That would show him. 

He would come running home with arms wide open proclaiming that his REAL mother was the greatest in the whole world.

Unfortunately I couldn’t think of one person that would be that cruel. 

Each time I asked him why he wanted to leave, he responded between sobs by saying “I don’t want to leave, but you’re just SO mean to me.”

I started thinking about my interactions with this middle child of mine.  Truth be told, he gets “in trouble” a lot.  I love him more than life itself, but he happens to be a little pill.  I am still looking for ways to control his meltdowns, encourage him to be responsible, and keep him from tormenting his little sister.  I feel so defeated when I admit that after 4 years I still haven’t found out just how to handle my middle child.  My heart sank as I realized that he probably really felt like another mommy would be much nicer to him and that time-out would be far less common in a different household. 

None of the blame is his, it’s all mine. 

After explaining to him that if he left our family that would mean that he would never be able to see his grandparents again either since they too are part of our family, he was devastated by the very thought so he agreed to give me a trial run. 

Probation.

I swore up and down that I would shower him with love and attention.  I would use nothing but positive reinforcement for jobs well done and make this house a happy place. 

It worked.

He loves me again. 

But I do have to say, by the end of the day, even at 4-years-old, he realized that he was running the show.  He missed his nap (which he NEVER does), he was hyper beyond measure, and he tormented his sister all the more.  Needless to say, while I made it past probation, I shamefully admit, I’m still clueless when it comes to parenting.

Any suggestions?

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